Webinars - Activate Your Self Confidence - Elena Perella, Sentidu Life Coach

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The New Human Being

The New Human Being is a person who understands, values and develops her body, finding it beautiful and useful; a person who is real and is willing to take risks, to be creative, to manifest competence, to change when the situation calls for it, and to find ways to accommodate to what is new and different, keeping that part of the old that is still useful and discarding what is not. If we add all this together, we get a physically healthy and spiritually fit person, someone who can express her feelings, who can love and play, who is authentic, creative and productive; someone who can stand on her own feet, can love intensely, can fight honestly and effectively, can be tender as well as tough, who knows the difference between these two qualities and can therefore fight decisively and successfully to achieve her goals. Quote by Virginia Satir Peoplemaking

It is possible to become a New Human Being. YES!

Give yourself a chance, don't adapt to circumstances that aren;t really you, rise above them and become the new you. We owe ourselves and our children a better life, but before we create a better life, we have to become new, better human beings, free from unnecessary, useless suffering. This useless suffering is toxic. It comes from our family's toxic emotional inheritance – the toxic pain of childhood traumas, toxic emotions, convictions and tendencies, inner conflicts and other imbalances. This inheritance manifests itself through suffering that - contrary to what we are made believe - doesn’t make us stronger, healthier, or richer, but, rather compromises the quality of our lives, often with lasting consequences.

We can put an end to this useless suffering by becoming new human beings. And it is so easy to do, when you know how. The new human being is already inside of us; it is who we truly are. And we can help it shine by learning to really love ourselves and re-parent ourselves. The first step? Detoxing from our family's toxic emotional inheritance. How? By learning to see things as they really are. Then we will find the right ways to support our growth and evolution, to conquer our freedom. And then we will also become able to help our children grow and evolve freely.

In this webminar I will explain why we behave the way we do and what we can do to change toxic dynamics, develop healthy attitudes, and allow constructive experiences through a new insight into behavior. I will share with you my personal experiences on eating disorders and domestic violence, and show you how those events were manifestations of a toxic emotional inheritance from my family, and what you can do to prevent your children from enduring useless, toxic suffering like I did.

  • Duration: 2 hours

The Power of Women
For A World Free of Violence

Join me and let's help together raise a new generation without repeating the same mistakes that our parents made

If our parents show dysfunctional behavior when we are children, we are victims. But no one says that we have to be victims our entire life. Something has to happen to wake us up. And once we wake up, it's our responsibility to step out of the victim role and become heroes. Kristen Brunello

The Problem
USA: Nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. In one year, this adds up to more than 10 million women and men (Source: NCADV).
Canada: In 2017, there were 59,236 child and youth victims (aged 17 and younger) of police-reported violence in Canada. Of these, 30% were victims of violence by a family member. (Source: Family Violence in Canada: a statistical profile, 2017).
Europe: Every year, approximately 3,500 deaths related to intimate partner violence occur in the 27 member states (excluding Croatia) of the European Union, according to a study from the DAPHNE EU programme.
Australia: Almost 1 in 4 (23%) women and 1 in 6 (16%) men have experienced emotional abuse from a current or previous partner since the age of 15 (Source: www.abs.gov.au - Victims of Family and Domestic Violence Related Offences - 2017b).  
The measures taken against Domestic Violence until now haven't solved the problem. Laws, punishment, aids for the victims and healthy learning environments are not sufficient to guarantee a world free of violence. This is because they don't tackle the problem at the root cause.  
We must understand domestic violence in a broader way, and especially in a deeper way, in order to understand the source of the internal factors that make people become either a victim or a perpetrator.

Violence is not merely killing another. It is violence when we use a sharp word, when we make a gesture to brush away a person, when we obey because there is fear. [...]. Violence is much more subtle, much deeper and we are inquiring into the very depths of violence. Jiddu Krishnamurti (Indian Philosopher, speaker, writer)
It's about women, women's power to change themselves, their children and the world around them! And it's about helping women understand the vital role they play.

“Chronic stress exposure for pregnant women affects fetal development, […] . In addition to stress, persistent negative maternal emotions during pregnancy such as anxiety, depression, and anger also exert an influence on fetal and later development of a child,” (Araki, M., Nishitani, S., Shinohara, K. et al. Fetal response to induced maternal emotions. J Physiol Sci 60, 213–220, 2010, The Journal of Physiological Sciences).

"Young children, who [...] are deprived of the continuous  care and attention of a mother or a substitute-mother, are not only  temporarily disturbed by such deprivation, but may in some cases suffer  long-term effects which persist."
Bowlby, J., Ainsworth, M., Boston,  M., and Rosenbluth, D. (1956).
The effects of mother-child separation: A  follow-up study. British Journal of Medical Psychology, 29, 211-249.
― John Bowlby, British psychiatrist, psychologist and psychoanalist  (1907-1990)

Domestic Violence has consequences for physical health, mental health, behavior, relationships, financial health. It's a worldwide problem that affects us all, directly or indirectly. The reasons for dysfunctional behavior, and so for violence, do not lie in the circumstances in which a person lives, but in the visible or not visible absence of love that compromises the way he or she experiences reality internally. Often these experiences are unconscious, and this makes it very difficult to escape them via work on one's conscious belief system.

“Fetuses of mothers who show high rates of depression, anxiety and stress weigh less and are smaller than average at midterm, according to a recent study from the University of Miami School of Medicine. Psychobiologist Miguel Diego and colleagues found that the stress hormone cortisol seems to be one potential mechanism for transmitting a mother’s stress to her unborn baby. 'Maternal distress is accompanied by biochemical changes, such as increased cortisol, that can both directly and indirectly affect the fetus.' (Diego, 2006).” (Psychobiologist Miguel Diego and colleagues, study from the University of Miami School of Medicine, 2006).

The solution to domestic violence is simple: learning to really love oneself, because someone who really loves him/herself doesn't need to suffer or to make others suffer.

Every person carries inside a toxic emotional inheritance inherited from one’s family: toxic convictions and tendencies,  childhood's traumas, inner conflicts, toxic emotions. All this causes toxic behavioral dynamics. By recognizing what we have inherited, we can learn about the link between past and present. Then we can take the right actions to detox, change toxic dynamics and manifest healthy attitudes.  
Familial security in the early stages is of a dependent type and forms a basis from which the individual can work out gradually, forming new skills and interests in other fields.Where  familial  security  is  lacking,  the  individual  is  handicapped  by  the  lack  of what might be called a secure base from which to work. (Mary Salter Ainsworth, An Evaluation of Adjustment Based Upon the Concept of Security, p. 45) - Source: Inge Bretherton, The Origins of Attachment Theory

Women are the key factor in breaking toxic patterns. Pregnancy is the moment when the child's reality is shaped. If the woman has unresolved childhood's issues, this will affect the quality of the child's life. It is therefore fundamental that the woman, before or during pregnancy, take action to free herself from her family's toxic emotional inheritance and learn to really love herself.  

For mothers with parenting difficulties, a  weekly  interview  in  which  their  problems  are  approached  analytically  and  traced  back to childhood has sometimes been remarkably effective. Having once been helped to recognize and recapture the feelings which she herself had as a child and to find that they are accepted tolerantly and understandingly, a mother will become increasingly sympathetic and tolerant toward the same things in her child. (Bowlby, 1940, p. 23)

The Plan
I will help women through my seminars to find the right instruments to free themselves from their family's toxic emotional inheritance and teach them a new understanding of love. By bringing a new insight into human behavior, we can work together to give shape to healthy realities for us and our children.  
I want to offer my seminars to as wide an audience as possible. Community organizations, companies, schools and universities, I would like to share my experiences and knowledge with you, to help create together a better world.
If you think that my seminar might be of interest to the people in your organization, your colleagues or your students, please get in touch.
Why does it work?
My model works because of three simple reasons:
  • It addresses the real cause of the problem.
  • It helps people see things as they really are and restore healthy communication within oneself and the outside world.
  • It works on prevention because it delivers the solution deep into the woman's internal reality, to help her solve her unresolved
         childhood issues, become free of her family's toxic emotional inheritance, and learn to really love herself.
Why Should You Listen to Me?
My expertise in this field comes from both personal experience as well as extensive research. I was a victim of domestic violence and having coached myself through it, I came to a new understanding of the problem and so to a new solution. My family's toxic emotional inheritance -my mother and my grandmother were victims- was the internal factor that allowed a violent man into my life. My ex-partner was once a child victim of a violent mother and teacher, who added fuel to what he was already suffering. We both carried around inside us an inheritance made of traumas, a sense of unworthiness, lack of self-love, toxic convictions that made us re-produce the same experience that our parents and relatives and care givers went through. Therefore we gave shape to a toxic relationship.  
During my career I studied and worked in the field of human behavior. I achieved a Master's degree in Latin American Studies with orientation in Literature and Cultural Anthropology. Both studies have been fundamental for my understanding of what is known and what is still not known about human behavior. I did field research in Peru on the political violence that affected the indigenous women and children during the civil war and listened to the perpetrators to understand their reasons. I worked in Guatemala on a project for children in poor environment. I worked in The Netherlands in the refugee sector and for the socio-cultural integration of foreigners. The theme of violence and dysfunctional behavior was recurrent in this work, playing an important and destructive role in the lives of the people I spoke to. So both personally and through my studies and work, I have come to understand the need for a new turn in how we understand and treat domestic violence.

Duration: 2 hours

I was looking for someone to inspire me, motivate me, support me, stay focused. Someone who loved me, appreciated me, made me happy and, in the end, I realized that I was looking for myself. Emma Watson (British actrice)

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