We are made to believe that “family” is a safe harbor where we grow and evolve peacefully. The fact that many of us don’t feel good about ourselves, are dissatisfied with our lives, endure unhealthy experiences, proves how false this belief is. Because if our family is the place where we are shaped, it seems logical to think that something has gone wrong at some point in the past.
Our first introduction to OUR reality is through our parents. They represent the world to us, they should show us the way toward a happy, satisfactory life, and they should teach us to use our internal instruction manual – yes, because we all have an internal instruction manual – to guarantee our well-being. A well-being that, as the result of parental misguidance, many of us fail to experience in our adult lives.
This means only one thing: when we were children our parents failed to provide us with what we required to make our lives a safe, loving and supporting experience. And even though some might disagree, the fact that we don’t feel good about ourselves and are not living the lives that we want is, again, an indication of an unhealthy relationship with our parents. Take note that often unhealthy relationships can be disguised as what we perceive to be healthy relationships. Just because there is no visible violence or mistreatment, it doesn’t mean that a relationship is healthy. Words that belittle, certain looks, absence of communication authoritarianism, etc., are all subtle manifestations of toxicity as well.
Parents set the tone for what our lives will be and if they don’t know how to set the right tone, we are set up to fail in our adult lives. Other family members may play a role in making us ineffective adults. As a result many will fail in multiple areas of their lives, often without being conscious of it.
With that said, what can you do to correct the effects that your parents mistakes had on you? What can you do to leave your children a healthy legacy, so that they will grow and evolve free of emotional burden from previous generations?
Here are some ideas to get you started in the right direction:
1. Reflect on yourself and your life. Are you choosing to live the life you truly want or are following a path that was set to you by your parents you, repeating past generations mistakes and behaviors passed onto you?
2. If you are repeating past generations’ behaviors and values passed onto you are they leading you to live healthy and balanced relationships (romantic, professional, social, with your children)? If not, decide to change.
3. Question your beliefs! Understand that these beliefs were passed on to you – you didn’t choose these believes and just because your parents instilled them in you it doesn’t mean that they are valid.
4. Understand that you can eliminate any ineffective and disempowering beliefs that you hold and that you can replace them with healthy and empowering beliefs.
5. Now that in the previous steps you pondered about what beliefs don’t serve you, shed them and uncover the beliefs that will truly empower you to live your life on your own terms
I hope that the above thoughts help you become conscious of the emotional burden that you inherited from your family and what it is doing to you. Becoming conscious of this toxic inheritance is the first step to a fresh approach to your life, so that you can live a balanced happy life and create a healthy family.
Invest adequate time in truly pondering about the above 5 ideas – go back and re-read them and take notes – as they have the power to bring about positive transformation in your life, and as importantly in your children’s lives.
If you would like information on getting coached to implement these transformative ideas click here to send me a message.
About the author
Elena Perella is NOT a therapist, a psychologist or a psychiatrist; she is a coach who focuses on helping clients indentify the real reasons behind their suffering and problems. Born and raised on the beautiful Mediterranean island of Sardinia, Elena is passionate about what she does, and with good reason. Elena coached herself through a severe depression, eating disorders and domestic violence and her experience has led her on a journey of discovery of how to break out all of these challenges. As a result she created Sentidu Life Coaching to help people experience their own transformation and break free in the areas they feel stuck.